Since the beginning of Russian war in Ukraine, a lot of people I follow expressed their feelings and thoughts in words much better than I could.

I'd like to take an opportunity and express my feelings - this time, not only as  a picture, but in words as well.

First of all, my view is very simple and seems obvious. This war is  a tragedy and a crime. People die, cities are destroyed, and there is  no excuse for that. My thoughts and prayers are with Ukrainians.

Another tragedy, less visible from outside, is the self-destruction of Russia, the country I called home until two weeks ago.

The freedom quickly becomes the past - people go  to jail for publicly using the word "war". Border closing seems only a matter of time. The extreme sanctions and isolation are destroying the processes in all aspects of everyday life. The forecasts mention poverty, joblessness and high crime rate.

Being able to escape, as someone mentioned in  my feed, is  a priviledge. A tiny percent of Russians can afford it. I must say I'm probably very lucky, it was much easier for me and my wife to escape than for most other people:

• I have several small freelance projects running that provide some income from outside of Russia;
• I've traveled a lot, and moving to another country is not as stressful itself;
• even within Russia, we became used to changing cities 1 or 2 times a year;
• we were actually just thinking where to spend this summer, hehe.

OK  I said I'd express my feelings.

I feel lost. I lost homeland, and I honestly don't think I will be able to return in any foreseeable future.

Once again, it goes without saying - what happens in Ukraine is  a terrible tragedy. But I have no doubt that peace will return to Ukraine, and it will be re-built. The whole world will help.

For Russia, however, I see no future. It will inevitably adopt to isolation and dictatorship, and stagnate, becoming the largest North Korea in the world.

I feel guilty and ashamed. I know I don't need to, but I do. Quoting Alexander Malofeev, a talented pianist whose concerts have been cancelled - "every Russian will feel guilty for decades because of the terrible and bloody decisions that none of  us could influence and predict".

I feel useless and exhausted. I know it's temporary, but I  do feel it. I hope to continue drawing anyway, though. Even if  it feels to make less sense now.

Let me know your feelings in comments! I think I  am ready for angry comments, but I'll appreciate if there are less of them.